The aching in my chest
isn't because I miss you,
it's realizing that you have
become someone I no longer know,
your fears, your 4 am thoughts,
are things I no longer have an equivalent to.
Who we were and who we are
are four different people,
and the me from now
doesn't relate to the me from then,
let alone to the you from now.
-Tanzy Sayadi and Jarod Kintz
It’s just never going to get any easier is it.
It’s never going away, this missing you.
It’s going to become a sadness I incorporate into myself – along with all the other sadnesses – and quietly carry around with me forever…
How do you love someone and just… walk away? Just like that.
You just, go on as normal…. You get up, get dressed, go to work… How can you do that?
How can you be okay with that?
They say the truth hurts. And these words hurt more than any I have ever written. But they are the truth – The cold, hard, undeniable truth.
Not letting go doesn’t keep him with you.
It’s still over. He’s still gone.
… And nothing will ever change that.
I think perhaps I will always hold a candle for you – even until it burns my hand.
And when the light has long since gone …. I will be there in the darkness holding what remains, quite simply because I cannot let go.
When you experience loss, people say you’ll move through the 5 stages of grief….
Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance
….. What they don’t tell you is that you’ll cycle through them all every day.
Though these words will never find you, I hope that you knew I was thinking of you today….. and that I was wishing you every happiness.
The girl you loved once.
But I never just quite liked that ryhme.'
'Why not, child?'
'Because it seems to say one's as good as another, or two new ones are better than one that's lost. . . . Somehow, when once you've looked into anybody's eyes, right deep down into them, I mean, nobody will do for that one any more. Nobody, ever so beautiful or so good, will make up for that one going out of sight.
It hurts that I was just one page in the book of your life…
But what hurts more is knowing you’ll revise that chapter someday….
….. and you’ll erase me completely.
It’s the intricate details you miss the most.
For me, it’s the soft lines around the eyes when he smiles… Or that look he gave me sometimes that I cannot begin to describe - but I would know it if I saw it again.
It was the look that gave him away.
I’d know that look anywhere…
It used to be my everything.
Well, at least this is what I told myself every day as I fell asleep with the fire still burning and the moon shining high up in the sky and my head spinning comforting from two bottles of wine, and I smiled with tears in my eyes because it was beautiful and so god damn sad and I did not know how to be one of those without the other.
The morning I drove by and saw you alone, staring at the house. I told myself to keep on driving, but something told me to stop. And when I'd seen how lost and confused you were, something told me I was meant to be there....
I was meant to be there so I could help you find your way
With you in my life I felt like I could conquer anything.
It was as if I was on top of the world and even the stars themselves were just within my grasp.
But without you …. even getting through the day is hard.
You can miss places. You can miss people.
Just know that what you’re really missing is the way things were. And even if you could go there again…. see them again…. you can’t go back.
They’re not the same.
You’re not the same.
The loss of them changed you.
There’s only ever been one person I’ve looked at and thought…
‘I could quite easily spend the entire rest of my life with that man’.
And sooner or later I need to accept that he’s spending it with somebody else.
If you’re searching for a quote that puts your feelings into words – you won’t find it.
You can learn every language and read every word ever written – but you’ll never find what’s in your heart.
How can you?
He has it.
I used to be lost in us. Blurred were the lines that separated us. But now, I see our togetherness in our separateness. I see the you in me and the me in you. We are two independent beings who complement one another like photographs that are beautiful on their own but are enhanced when juxtaposed, creating an altogether new photograph.
The love that I believe in is something that goes beyond the physical aspects of this world. The love that I believe is one that extends its energy and power through the beautiful souls that I encounter along the way, a love that can be seen in the eyes of a little dog or in the confusion of a cute lost cat who wants to be worshiped like a Goddess. This kind of love goes through a divine crafting of a person's inner self, through personal experience and thousands of years of tears and strength, that can only be seen in the familiar eyes of old souls, the eyes that recognize each other even after long times of separation, the eyes that find themselves familiar with places they have probably been to before, but that nevertheless bring great memories with every visit. This kind of love sees hope in the eyes of new-born children that know way much more than they are capable of putting into words and that bring with their innocence a smile on each person's face who'd wish they could start again. The love that I see when I look at you is a love which has roots deep inside each of us, but that needs care and light to grow and unfold its branches so that they can reach outside of ourselves and even further beyond the skies.
Every quote, every book, every film seemed to suggest that ‘one day’ someone would come into my life and love me with an intensity and a passion I had never experienced before. And to their credit they were right; It all came and went so fast it really did feel as if it were just ‘one day’....